Fate cemented in

My Past

Haunting me 

my every step 

in every direction

happiness,

regret, 

love, 

hate

It all reaches out 

and pulls me back 

again into the void of chills and tears

cold like the cement that the walls are made from

and you

with your silk hair 

and eyes deep as the sea

blowing out the candle

the only light 

as you come near 

for a moment I am frozen 

I wonder 

frozen in fear or the loss of the fire

the warmth from its light

I feel your hand touch my cheek 

I can see another fire ignite

My senses mash together 

just the moment our lips do the same

sucking the breathe out of my lungs

drowning in your once more

and for a moment I can feel the 

sun on my skin 

and sand in my toes 

burning hot 

like your passion on my body

I forget that I am trapped

trapped inside this cement box I helped you build 

for me

for me 

I realize how easy it would be

to pretend again

accept defeat

and let our love swallow me whole  

lose myself in your sandy beaches 

in your promise land of love and fortune

I could begin 

to self destruct

silence myself

but I have learned

I am stronger now

I am no longer unaware of my choices

I lift my head

 out of the pool of sorrow and hated

 that your touch created in me

and in that

imperfect second

a rip forms in the blanket 

or our lies

I see real sunlight 

slip through 

something I never thought i'd see 

I pull the stitches 

out from the holes forming at the seams

of this untamed 

mess we quilted ourselves into

I slip through and out into 

the world I've missed so

I turn around for one more glimpse

and you 

are there

stepping through right 

after 

me