Please Use Your Fucking Blinker: An Adult Picture Book for the Visual Learner
By Holly Holdsworth
Dedicated to anyone who is confused on the rules.
Please. would you kindly GET OFF YOUR PHONE!
I am sick and tired of you swerving into my lane.
If you do end up hitting me, I'm going to ask you one question, assuming we aren't both dead, WAS THAT TEXT MESSAGE WORTH IT? Im assuming not considering the amount you will have to pay for the damages to my car and... ouch... my neck is REALLY hurting.
You. Yeah you. Stopped in the middle of the road picking up a random pedestrian; NEWS FLASH! Just because you have your hazard lights on doesn't mean you can stop anywhere you want and impede traffic.
I, being the Good Samaritan I am, will pull into the nearest parking lot, get a good camera shot, and record this idiotic act until A. You leave or B. Someone rear ends you and... ouch.. they asked for my copy of the video, and they back is really starting to hurt.
Old people. For the love of all that is good. Please surrender your drivers license. I know there is no way you got that license legally. weather you memorized the lines for your vision test or what i don't know but oh boy.
The swerving lanes, 25 mph on the highway and just completely not aware of your surroundings is going to really hurt someone. You can't pull out in front of someone going the posted speed limit and then proceed to not reach the appropriate speed/ distance ratio to the car coming up behind you! You will get rear ended and probably die for impact. and just to make this disgustingly clear, 50mph and 15mph are not the same thing. Just in case you couldn't hear the difference in the words.
To the women in the mom van who is either ignoring the "keep clear" writing on the road just can't read, you are really annoying. There are many different ways to commit this offense and only a few ways to serve justice...
I hope, one day, you will get a ticket for blocking the intersection when an emergency vehicle needs to get through. or someone just T-bones you for being in the intersection when the light changes and the other traffic gets to go BUT THEY CANT BECAUSE YOU ARE IN THE WAY.
Hello! I'm just a good samaritan who noticed you might need to refill your blinker juice. Oh. Its all full? Well then use your fucking blinker! its not that hard! Or...may be you just don't know how to use it...
I never realized some people just may not know what a blinker is. Well, it is this little stick behind the steering wheel that you can move up or down to let people around you know you want to go. Up indicates you want to travel to the right by the little BLINKING lights on the right side of your car, and down indicate you want to go left with the little BLINKING lights on the left side of your car. And that laddies and gentlemen is what blinkers are.
Question: why did the driver stop 15 car lengths behind the car in front of them at a red light?
GOOD FUCKING QUESTION!
You must really be an idiot with some obvious depth perception issue. You are pissing many people off by not leaving enough room for anyone to get into the turn lane. Why do you like making everyone mad? Not cool dude. Not cool.
I love the moment of sure fluster when I honk at some one WHO DOESNT GO WHEN THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN.
The sheer terror in there eye like "oh fuck! I was that guy!" and then the moment of utter regret and sadness as they wave in apology. I also love giving them either the one finger salute in return for not paying attention or just giving the meanest stare I can muster up at that moment.
Moral of this story is, please don't be any of these people. No one will like you and you very well may end up alone. Well, maybe, but you sure the hell will piss a lot of people off.
(note: nice drawing of me smiling and waving at reader)
